"Hey Dad, when can I get a phone?"

“Hey Dad, when can I get a phone?”  

“Uh… I’m not sure. Why do you need a phone?”

“I want to play Pokemon GO.”

     I know, I know. Pokemon GO is soooo last summer. But my kids are still really into it, so I downloaded it on my phone just for them. It's been fun to play together as a family. Now, my kids are getting a little impatient waiting for me to come home from work each day to play. I knew it was only a matter of time before they popped the question.

     Even if your child hasn’t brought it up, it's a pretty safe bet to say he or she wants a phone, tablet, or computer (or all-of-the-above) for Christmas. Maybe you've been waiting until all the Black Friday and Cyber Monday deals are announced to find the best price, but there are still a few other things we should consider for clicking that "Buy Now" button. There's a lot of great opportunities for your kids online, but there's also a lot of real danger. 

• What device is best for your kids' needs (and wants)?
• What will they want to use it for?
• How will you protect your kids from cyberbullying, predators, pornography, and all the other nasty stuff out there?
• How will you prevent their new toy from becoming an obsession?

If you need some help answering these questions, here's some tips I've learned as I researched solutions for my own kids.

SMARTPHONES

     My kids want a smartphone so badly. The only actual purpose they can give me for having one is playing Pokemon GO, but your kids might be feeling the pressure that "everyone else has one!" If your children are older and you're thinking about getting them a phone, Protect Young Minds has a great blog post about which smartphone is best for kids. The author, Nathaniel Holzman, does a great job of walking through factors like ease of set up, parental controls, and pricing. I don’t want to spoil the ending, but you'll never guess the winner of his head-to-head comparison.

iPADS (AND OTHER TABLETS)

     The nice thing about iPads is that the parental controls are the exact same as on an iPhone; they run the same operating system. The same thing goes for Android tablets and Android smartphones. You can check out the same smartphone article from above for details on setting filters and security policies for your kids with either of those operating systems.

Laptops

     Beyond parental controls, the reality is that tablets and phones are more likely to be used on time-wasting games than a laptop. A good kid-friendly laptop has a bit more potential to help them learn things like keyboarding, computer coding, and design - all practical skills that are a lot easier to learn on a laptop than on a phone or tablet.

     BestProducts.com has a great list of kid-friendly laptops for every budget. With so many different manufacturers and operating systems, laptops can be difficult to secure with parental controls. If you want to filter or block the content your child can access on a laptop, you might want to look into a service like Blocksi, Mobicip, or NetNanny (the one we use in my house). Without a filtering service, a child with an understanding of browsers and extensions can figure out how to bypass filters and protections on a laptop.

What Will you Buy?

     This is by no means an exhaustive list of all of the things you could potentially get your kids this Christmas. If you’d like to dive into more research, it’s as easy as going to Google and searching “best tablet for kids” or “parental controls for a (fill in your device)." Remember that we, as parents, are ultimately responsible to make a wise choice for our family. Our kids may not get 100% of what they want, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t what is best for them.  

Just make sure they share their best Pokemon GO tips with you along the way.

Are You Talking To God Through The Grapevine?

Everyone knows.

     My wife knows. My friends at work know. I've told my small group. Even my parents are in the loop. Everyone who's anyone has given me their wise advice. Now, as I reach the decision point, I realize I left someone out. I'm content sharing my anxieties, my struggles, and my fears with everyone - everyone except for God. I've been so busy talking to other people that it's almost like God's left to find out about it through the grapevine.

 

Talking to Everyone One Else But God.

     Lately, I've found myself seeking out Godly wisdom from people I trust more and more. Whether I’m discussing parenting and family situations with my accountability partner or asking for prayer from family members and friends from small group, God's been teaching me to reach out to others and trust them to offer guidance and care. But in doing this, I've neglected taking these concerns to God.

     Have you known you needed to spend time pouring your heart out to God but struggled to actually get on your knees? I often have the courage to open up with friends and family, but I rarely take the time to offer my requests to God. If I do make the time, I become easily distracted in my thoughts and lose focus. Whether it’s simply being distracted or finding it difficult to humble ourselves, it’s easy to let things get between us and our Heavenly Father.

Let's Be Direct.

     How can we be direct with God the same way we are with other people? As I searched for answers, I found a few resources that helped me focus.

     When consistency and depth is lacking in our prayer life, it’s helpful to try new ways to connect our hearts to the heart of God. Pastor Gavin Ortlund outlines several methods in his blog post “Seven Ways to Fight Distraction During Prayer”. One method I’ve been encouraged to use lately is “prayer with a pen.” Intentionality writing out a prayer to God might take a bigger time commitment, but I’ve found that needing to choose specific words helps me focus on what I’m truly hoping to communicate to God. Plus if I keep prayers in a journal or notebook, I can look back over them to see how God has provided and moved in my circumstances.

     Sometimes my lack of faithfulness in prayer goes deeper than simply being distracted. Fear and distress can also keep me from prayer instead of driving me towards my Heavenly Father. I appreciated Pastor Erik Raymond’s focus on the role that sin and guilt can play in keeping us from approaching God in prayer in his article “When Sin Keeps You from Prayer”. Although sometimes it’s difficult to consider my fears or exhaustion as sin, I resonated with his reminder that guilt multiplies. Often times I feel guilty over sin or for ignoring my need for prayer, and I get caught in a cycle of avoiding prayer because I feel guilty that I haven’t been praying!

A Prayer to Help Us Pray.

Refocus, talk to God, and be direct. Here's a passage that's helped me, and it's my personal prayer for all of us in this struggle:

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”  - Hebrews 4:15-16

Getting Mad In The Car Might Not Be So Bad After All

     You're in the car with your family. You've been driving for who know how long. The mile markers whiz by like tall blades of grass as you stare blankly through the windshield. Your mind. is. blank. **BRAKE LIGHTS** **Stomp on brake pedal** **Swerve to avoid car** Where did they come from?! Didn't they see me?! How could they cut me off like that?! Where did they learn to drive?! 

     The kids are a little flustered, but everyone's all right. The mood calms down again. But your patience is about to be tested even more. Softly from the back seat, you hear the dreaded question.

"Are we there yet?"

     Normally, you might get frustrated at this, but it would be better if you got mad. No, I'm not talking about yelling at your kids, I'm talking about Mad Libs.

 

Mad Lib Stories

     You remember Mad Libs, right? You fill in the blanks and a totally random, hilarious story is written out of thin air. Here's one that I did just now:

Come get your Slimy discounts on all of your favorite brand name Piglets. Our Handsome and Parasailing sales associates are there to Lift you 68,909 hours a day. Here you will find Plump prices on the Hamsters you need.

 

How Do I Tell a Mad Lib Story?

     Erik Wolgemuth knows how hard it is to entertain our kids. He suggests that we tell “mad lib” stories as a way to keep their attention and involve them in the storytelling process. This technique of storytelling takes some of the pressure off of the storyteller (a.k.a. Mom & Dad) and gives the kids the chance to interact and insert funny words. It can also help to strengthen their vocabulary and grammar skills. Mad Lib storytelling is an easy, laid back family activity that will have everyone laughing on those long car rides. Check out his post titled, The [noun] that Dad Told was [adjective]: Mad Lib Storytelling on dadcraft.com. 

 

What If I'm Not a Good Storyteller?

     If you struggle with thinking of creative storylines, don’t worry! There’s an app for that! You can download the free “Mad Libs” app on the App Store or Google Play. I love this app. All you need to do is fill in the blanks with the nouns, adjectives, or adverbs, and Mad Libs spits out a hilarious story that (usually) doesn’t make any sense. Kids of all ages can participate in thinking of crazy words to add to the story. Mad Lib stories might just become your new favorite road trip game!

     Next time you're in the car with your family, try getting Mad instead of getting angry!

The Amazon Prime Prayer

     It's 8:48pm on Saturday night. I've already sunk an hour into this home project before realizing I don't have the right piece to finish the job. All the hardware stores will be closed by the time I get there, so crack open my laptop and find my way to Amazon.com. 30 minutes and 17 reviews later, I found what I need.

Click. Cart. Buy. Done.

     It's 10:46am on Sunday morning. I pull in to see a brown package leaning against my front door. I mentally run through all the things it could be. I'm not even thinking about the item I ordered 14 hours ago. I open the box and immediately drop it on the table. It. Is. Here. How? Was it magic? Do they deliver by rocket ship? I have no idea, but I was blown away that my order was here so fast. 

Patience is a lost art.

     Most things that we want we can get immediately - streaming movies, on demand TV, ordering pizza with an app. We live in a culture that celebrates instant gratification, and this bleeds over into our spiritual life. Many times we expect our prayers to work like Amazon Prime. We pray and then wait for God's answer to show up at our doorstep 14 hours later. 

     Sometimes, God says "no." Sometimes, he makes us wait. Sometimes, we don't understand why. But God is a good Father, and only he says "no" to say "yes" to something better. 

So what do we do when God makes us wait?

We preach the Gospel to ourselves.

     It's only by remembering of the grace of Jesus that we are truly able to endure the waiting. We wait through sleepless nights, chronic pain, bouts of sickness, nagging anxiety, and lingering doubt because we "have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer [we] who live, but Christ who lives in [us]" (Galatians 2:20a). Because of Jesus, we will practice the art of patience and wait to see how much better God's answer is than what we asked for.

Let's preach the Gospel to our family, and wait together to see what God does.

Can You Really Make More Quality Time?

     Remember seeing a rainbow as a kid and trying to find the end with the pot of gold? Ever since my wife and I had kids, that's what sleep is like - always hoping, never satisfied. We recently added baby number 3 to our family, and sleep has never seemed so necessary yet so unattainable. When my two oldest kids decided to wake up before 6am for the third day in a row, I wasn’t thrilled. However, I sensed God telling me to take advantage of this early morning time. Instead of letting them run wild while I attempted to make a cup of coffee (like usual), all three of us played with Legos for the first fifteen minutes of the day. It was an unexpected joy.

     Far too often we tend to miss those opportunities to actively engage our kids. We would probably all agree that it's important to spend quality time with our family, but it seems so difficult to make that time happen between busy schedules, schoolwork, jobs, sports, hobbies, and Netflix.

HOW DO WE MAKE QUALITY TIME?

     "You cannot schedule quality time." At least not according to author and speaker Jenn Wilkins. Instead, she believes that quality time comes out of the quantity of time that you spend together as a family. We can say, “Tonight we will have a game night together as a family” and give our family a couple hours together.  But we can’t truly say, “Tonight we will all laugh and enjoy being with each other.”

     She noted that Deuteronomy 6:7 says we should instruct and disciple our children “When you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.” We should actively spend time in community as a family. The best way to have quality time together is by spending as much time together as possible (for more on this, listen Jenn Wilkin's workshop from the 2016 Gospel Coalition Women’s Conference, "How to Raise an Alien Child"). 

WHAT ABOUT ALL THE EXTRA THINGS OUR KIDS ARE INVOLVED IN?

     There’s no doubt kids and teenagers are BUSY. Author and youth director Cameron Cole outlines a practical decision-making process to help parents think through these opportunities in his article, “Four Questions Parents Should Ask of Extra-Curricular Activities.” I appreciated that Cole doesn’t demonize extracurricular activities, but instead he tries to help us view them in light of the Gospel. It was good for me to think through an activity as a part of the family’s calling and ministry in the world.

When Can We find time together?

My family's early morning Lego party helped me to realize how sacred our time together can be. Where can we find more time like this together? Here's two things I’ve been personally challenged with recently:

• Say "no" in order to say "yes." Make a habit of saying “no” to things that distract or undermine our family time (even if they’re fun or good things!). Say "no" to the list of everything that takes "just one more minute!" Say "no" to checking email for the 10th time today. Say "no" to the unimportant to say "yes!" to what matters.
• Be 100% present wherever we are. Put down the iPhone and turn off the TV (or unplug it and move it into the closet!). Build a pillow fort with the kids, go on a walk, explore your neighborhood, ask questions, and then let them respond. 

Time is the one resource we can't make more of. How will you spend yours?

The Soundtrack for Teaching Your Kids About the Bible

     In the car, at work, at school, eating out, waiting in line, in the elevator, at the gym - music is everywhere. Music motivates us to focus, distracts us when we're bored, gives us words to express our deepest feelings, and transforms a get-together into a party. When you think back to your teenage years, your favorite song or artist underscores most of your best memories. Music has a profound impact on shaping our experiences. As parents, we can use the power of music to inject God's truth into the hearts and minds of our children.

We can use music as a way to teach our kids more about the Bible, and enjoy growing in their relationship with God.

     We echo God's creativity when we make songs and melodies. How much more when we sing God's own words back to him! Even if you aren’t a gifted musician, everyone can enjoy song and dance to a good beat (well, some of us just "dance"). Here's a few bands that make music specifically to help your family memorize Scripture. Even though they're songs for kids, they won't drive you crazy!

     The Rizers (short for Memorizers) "instill in kids a love for Jesus Christ and his word through Scripture memory, praise and worship." Here's a music video for their song Proverbs 3:5-6 (Trust in the Lord).

 You can follow the Rizers on Facebook or listen to their music on Spotify. 

     We highlighted Seeds Family Worship a while back as a great resource for learning Scripture together as a family (read our post about Seeds Family Worship here). They have hundreds of songs that are word-for-word memory verses available to stream or purchase, as well as videos and other resources to make your experience even more fun.

     Another band that you and your kids are sure to like is Bear Hug Band. While their lyrics aren't word-for-word from the Bible like The Rizers or Seeds Family Worship, their songs still hold biblical wisdom and truth. Check out their video for Big Big Love below, and stream all their music on Spotify.

     God's gift of music is powerful. Let's use this gift for his glory as we teach our children more about his Word. 

Discipline With Kindness, Even When You're Angry

     Walking past the window in my three-year-old son’s room, something caught my eye. Along the trim under the windowsill were three deep holes dug into the drywall with a small screwdriver sitting on the wood floor underneath. Calling him upstairs, I sat Judah on my lap, showed him the holes in the wall, and asked him how they got there. “I don’t know, maybe a woodpecker flew in here and made them.” An obvious lie. My blood was boiling.

     After he continued his woodpecker lie for several minutes, I finally showed him the drywall dust on the tip of the screwdriver. I said I know a person made the holes in the wall with this screwdriver and asked if it was him. With tears in his eyes he wrapped his arms around my neck and cried, “It was me, it was me. I’m so sorry daddy.” That sentence, full of genuine remorse, broke through the petty anger I felt. With my wife by my side, we discussed the importance of honesty, forgiveness, trust, and living like Jesus.

     I’m grateful God gave us that moment, because, if I’m being honest, sometimes it’s hard for me to let go of that anger. I know some of you can relate to that feeling - that feeling that comes from being lied to, disobeyed, or disrespected by your children. I don’t know about you, but my temperature starts to rise whenever my kids sin against me or their mom. Although it’s not wrong to feel anger, I can easily justify letting my anger get the best of me when correcting my kids.

     In her blog post “How Should I Handle Anger While Disciplining”, author and speaker Jen Wilkin discusses the role that anger plays in the process of correcting our children. I especially needed to hear two points from her post:

• Kids have a hard time processing the anger they see in their parents. I don’t want my kids to think they have power over my emotions, but I also don’t want them to obey me simply out of fear and insecurity.
• It’s so important to analyze and debrief any anger I feel when my kids are disobedient or disrespectful. Why did that make me angry? Did I express my anger in a sinful way? Had I communicated my expectations well to my child? Answering questions like these will only help me become slower to anger and quicker to repent for my own sins.

     This idea reminds me something that author and counselor Tedd Tripp wrote in his book, Shepherding a Child’s Heart. He said,

“God calls you to be authorities who are truly kind.”

Kindness is not a character quality I usually associate with discipline. As I kindly lead my children - correcting them in love and not fueled by my anger - they will be more likely to love, forgive, and be slow to anger just like Jesus.

     Have you wrestled with the role anger plays in your family’s discipline? How can you improve to correct through kindness and not anger? How do you debrief or analyze your own emotions during times of discipline?

Make School Lunches Awesome

     Back to school means school lunches, and school lunches can be pretty terrible. I just had a nostolgic conversation the other day about school lunches, but quickly realized that a lot of what I ate for lunch as a kid wasn't real food. Rectangular pizza, "extreme nachos," Cosmic Brownies, and the worst offender: Lunchables. 

"Lunch" = pepperoni + "cheese" + pretzel sticks. This is not a lunch.

I know making a healthy, tasty lunch for your kids takes some time and preparation. I'm guilty as anyone of throwing together a lunch on my way out the door full of things I'll regret later. While one convenient lunch every once in a while won't kill you, making a habit of it might. Here's a few tips for making your kids' school lunches tasty, healthy, and awesome.

Choose the Right Containers

     Choosing the right containers to pack your kids' lunches will keep your beautiful spread from getting scrambled on the journey to the lunchroom. Lisa Leake of 100 Days of Real Food recommends finding a container with individual compartments and a locking, leak-proof lid (click here to see her recommendations). However you pack school lunches, make sure your child can easily open all the containers and that food won't get crushed or smashed before lunchtime.

Ditch Processed Foods, Pack the Real Stuff

     Processed food is basically the equivalent of cat videos on YouTube; we might like them, but they don't make our lives any better. Lisa Leake has a lot of great advice about how to choose the right food for your kids' lunches and ditch the bad stuff. She regularly posts photos on her blog of lunches she packed for her kids to get you inspired to try something new! If your child demands Lunchables, she gives us some great tips on how to make homemade, healthy versions of the most popular choices. 

Leave a Note!

     You can make any lunch memorable by leaving a note for your child alongside their favorite food. Writing something as simple as "I love you!" can mean a lot to your child. You can write a helpful Bible verse, an encouraging phrase, draw a picture, or make them laugh with joke. Leaving a note is a simple and quick way to let them know their worth and value. 

School lunches don't have to be miserable. With a little bit of planning, you can make your kids' lunches awesome!