Should You Let Your Kids Read Whatever They Want?

Guest Post by Alaina Peterson

Who cares, right? Books are books!

     Well, sure. Books ARE books. If you’re going to choose between reading as a family and not reading as a family, choose reading. But when we take that extra step with kids, when we are intentional about what we put in front of them and what it means to them as they develop their sense of who they are in the world, we show them windows into other people's worlds and mirrors of who they are.

     Again, when it comes to reading with kids, the most important thing is also the simplest: just do it. Reading as a family creates a time for children to be physically close with parents and siblings but also address important topics that might not come up inside the home apart from reading books together.

     Questions about each other, about how God wants us to approach situations, about our own values – these questions flow naturally when we choose the right books. Kids’ love for language and reading and their love for family time can be fostered through quality books.

     Okay, done. We read together. Eric Carle, the Magic School Bus, Junie B. Jones, all the classics. Done. But guess what? There is SO much more to be had from literature when we stop to think about a few things.

Who is represented in this book?

     If it was similar to my childhood experience, the characters probably look a lot like this:

Are these characters our kids should look up to? Who are the “heroes”? Do all the people in the story look like me and come from my culture, or does the book show diversity in its characters?

What are the roles each of the characters hold?

     Who are the characters who are always in trouble and what do they look like? Are all of the heroes boys/girls? Who needs “saving”? If there is a family in the story, how does the family function?

Is there anything in this book that provokes us to talk about Jesus?

     Now, I am definitely not saying that all of your books should be Devotions for Kids, Jr. Bible, and the kids’ version of a Francis Chan book. What I am advocating is that you really look at books before you buy them. Walmart has some cute books, but very few 2.99 paperbacks will provoke you and your children to talk about Christ-like character in the way that quality books will.

     I challenge you to check out library books where the characters look and act VERY different from you! Your child can experience the world and its people through reading books written in Black English, Chicano English, books with children from China and India. Talk about God’s love for all people as you read! It is amazing the conversations that you can have with children when you explore something new together. Here we go, personal recommendations. Each of these shows a diverse group of people, gives deep and often spiritual topics to discuss, and are also just fun to read!

Book Recommendations

Ages 5+

• Last Stop on Market Street by Matt De La Peña, Illustrated by Christian Robinson
• Jack & Jim by Kitty Crowther
• I Love Saturdays y Domingos by Alma Flor Alda
• Tree of Cranes by Allen Say
• Do Like Kyla by Angela Johnson
• The Gruffalo by Julia Donaldson

Ages 8+

• Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White
• The Hundred Dresses by Eleanor Estes
• The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis
• The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster

Ages 10+

• The Cay by Theodore Taylor
• Number the Stars by Lois Lowry
• The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien

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Alaina Peterson served as a Site Director at COCUSA in 2016. Alaina and her husband Luke are currently studying at the University of Illinois where Alaina is majoring in elementary education with a minor in Spanish. You can get in touch with Alaina on Facebook.  

Can You Really Make More Quality Time?

     Remember seeing a rainbow as a kid and trying to find the end with the pot of gold? Ever since my wife and I had kids, that's what sleep is like - always hoping, never satisfied. We recently added baby number 3 to our family, and sleep has never seemed so necessary yet so unattainable. When my two oldest kids decided to wake up before 6am for the third day in a row, I wasn’t thrilled. However, I sensed God telling me to take advantage of this early morning time. Instead of letting them run wild while I attempted to make a cup of coffee (like usual), all three of us played with Legos for the first fifteen minutes of the day. It was an unexpected joy.

     Far too often we tend to miss those opportunities to actively engage our kids. We would probably all agree that it's important to spend quality time with our family, but it seems so difficult to make that time happen between busy schedules, schoolwork, jobs, sports, hobbies, and Netflix.

HOW DO WE MAKE QUALITY TIME?

     "You cannot schedule quality time." At least not according to author and speaker Jenn Wilkins. Instead, she believes that quality time comes out of the quantity of time that you spend together as a family. We can say, “Tonight we will have a game night together as a family” and give our family a couple hours together.  But we can’t truly say, “Tonight we will all laugh and enjoy being with each other.”

     She noted that Deuteronomy 6:7 says we should instruct and disciple our children “When you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.” We should actively spend time in community as a family. The best way to have quality time together is by spending as much time together as possible (for more on this, listen Jenn Wilkin's workshop from the 2016 Gospel Coalition Women’s Conference, "How to Raise an Alien Child"). 

WHAT ABOUT ALL THE EXTRA THINGS OUR KIDS ARE INVOLVED IN?

     There’s no doubt kids and teenagers are BUSY. Author and youth director Cameron Cole outlines a practical decision-making process to help parents think through these opportunities in his article, “Four Questions Parents Should Ask of Extra-Curricular Activities.” I appreciated that Cole doesn’t demonize extracurricular activities, but instead he tries to help us view them in light of the Gospel. It was good for me to think through an activity as a part of the family’s calling and ministry in the world.

When Can We find time together?

My family's early morning Lego party helped me to realize how sacred our time together can be. Where can we find more time like this together? Here's two things I’ve been personally challenged with recently:

• Say "no" in order to say "yes." Make a habit of saying “no” to things that distract or undermine our family time (even if they’re fun or good things!). Say "no" to the list of everything that takes "just one more minute!" Say "no" to checking email for the 10th time today. Say "no" to the unimportant to say "yes!" to what matters.
• Be 100% present wherever we are. Put down the iPhone and turn off the TV (or unplug it and move it into the closet!). Build a pillow fort with the kids, go on a walk, explore your neighborhood, ask questions, and then let them respond. 

Time is the one resource we can't make more of. How will you spend yours?

When Your Kids Embarrass You

     We’ve all been there. That time when you find out your kid totally acted up when you weren't there. Here’s how it happened in my family recently:

     I was at work. My wife needed to run errands, so her mom came over to watch the kids. Our four-year-old was left playing, but mom gave him clear instructions to “clean up, and head to nap when your Nana tells you to.”

     The playing was no problem. The issue came when Nana politely let him know it was time for nap. Instead of listening and obeying, he just kept playing. He totally ignored her request, and to make it even more embarrassing, he said very matter-of-factly:

"I do whatever I Want."

     It’s funny now, but it was embarrassing and frustrating at the time. You probably remember a similar time with your kids. A screaming fit in the grocery store aisle. A stubborn sit-in protest at the playground. Maybe a shrill "I hate you!" as they stomp out of the room.

How do we respond when our kids act out and embarrass us in front of others? Here's some advice for facing that embarrassing showdown.

Don’t

• Don't let your personal anger or embarrassment influence your response. It’s tough to do, but your response should be the same whether someone else witnessed your child’s disobedience or not. Consistency is the key to long-term success in correcting a behavior.
• Don't let your child off the hook. Sometimes we cope with our kids' public behavior by totally ignoring it and never addressing it. Even if you can’t find a good consequence in the moment, you should let your child know she did something wrong and you do not approve.
• Don't use public shaming as a form of discipline. I’ve seen dozens of times where parents “raise the stakes” by raising their voice, pointing out their child’s foolishness, loudly voicing their displeasure, or sternly threatening to leave. I see it all the time, but I've never seen it work.

Do

• Apologize to any affected parties. Like it or not, the buck stops with you - not your child. If you’re the parent and your child acted out, you need to own it. To be clear, you’re not apologizing for your child. Hopefully they can do that on their own by the end of the discipline process. From my own story, at some point we should have better trained our four-year-old to listen to anyone we leave in charge. We didn’t, so we needed to apologize to my mother-in-law for that (and our son eventually apologized to Nana too).
• Give your child an appropriate consequence. If you do nothing except tell your child "that was wrong," they probably won't learn. Let them know what that there will be a consequence. The younger they are, the more immediate it should be (if possible). Giving them a timeout later that day isn’t as effective as making them clean up their toys and sit quietly for 5 minutes right now.

Remember, we’re all in this together. You’re allowed to laugh later too, especially at cute four-year-olds. When you’re inevitably embarrassed by your kids, don't stoop to their level. Be the parent, keep your cool, and help mold your child's character to become more like Jesus.

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Photo Source: Michael Bently. Used under the Creative Commons License 2.0. 

​Did God Make You a Lion?

From Brad Habegger

     My two daughters are 6 and 4. They're beautiful, funny, smart, and sweet (as I'm sure your kids are, too). And sometimes they roar. Literally and figuratively. One of them went through a phase of going around the house roaring like a lion.

     Which is when it began. When I started asking the question: "Did God make you a lion?" At first it was met with a look of "what-kind-of-question-is-that" and a sheepish reply of "No?" But now it gets more of an eye roll and an annoyed, "No, Daddy." Because they know what's coming next: "Then He didn't make you to roar." (Said with a smile.)

     Or when they're growling unkindness at each other: "Did God make you a bear?" "No, Daddy." "Then He didn't make you to growl." And most commonly, when they’re whining about food, clothes, chores, (you name it): "Did God make you a little puppy? Then He didn't make you to whine."

     But the real purpose of these silly exchanges is the line and truth that follows. "Then He didn't make you to roar… Instead He made you a beautiful, funny and sweet girl." Or, "He made you in His own image." "He made you for the praise of His glory and the joy of all people." "He made you to love. To forgive. To worship. To serve."

     And what started as a teachable moment for my girls also became a look in the mirror for me. I also was not made to roar, growl, or whine at my girls. Instead, I was made to reflect God to them. I was made to love them (unconditionally), train them, guard them, and provide for them. I want to speak God’s truth into my girls’ hearts, but I also want their eyes to see me genuinely living out what I’m saying. When I was at COCUSA, I remember telling the staff, "We can’t expect campers to do what we aren’t doing ourselves." The same is true with parents and children.

     What are some silly (or serious) exchanges that you can turn into teachable moments with your kids? Are there areas in your own life that are inconsistent with what you are saying to your kids? If so, don’t beat yourself up. Take comfort in knowing that God is ready and willing to help you (and your kids). Ask Him to show you what He made you to be.

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Brad Habegger is the Pastor of Children's Ministry at Grace Church in Morton, IL. He served as Executive Director at Camp of Champions USA for over a decade, and is still a great friend and supporter of the organization. Brad enjoys spending time with his wife and daughters, playing basketball and tennis, and following the St. Louis Cardinals and college basketball.

What I Learned From a Week in the Amazon Jungle

Loving people is hard.

     The book and major motion picture, "The End of The Spear" tells the story of the remote Waodani people group in the heart of the Amazon jungle. The Waodani are well-known for spearing to death five Christian missionaries in 1956. After this tragic event, the tribe eventually came to Christ by the grace of God and the loving ministry of the murdered missionaries' relatives. Two weeks ago, I traveled to Ecuador with an organization called “i-Tec” into the Amazon jungle to live with the Waodoni people. Of the many things God taught me during my week in the jungle, one of the most important lessons is that it takes humility to love others well.  

     It was painfully obvious that without the leadership and guidance of the Waodani people, none of us on the trip would have survived our time in the Amazon. The jungle is full of dangerous animals, plants, and landscapes. Instead of mocking our inability to hunt, build shelters, navigate through the dense jungle, or utilize our surroundings, the Waodani loved us well by teaching us their way of life. They took us under their wing, humbled themselves, and showed us what true, God-like love looks like.

Here are some pictures I took during my week living with the Waodani.

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     The Waodani people we lived with followed Jesus’ example. In John 4, Jesus had a conversation with a Samaritan woman. The woman had come to draw water by herself in the middle of the day and Jesus, being thirsty, asked her for a drink. Despite the many cultural traditions that should have kept these two at odds, Jesus humbled himself and asked the woman for a favor. Their conversation changed this woman's life for good. Not only did the woman return to her village as a believer in Jesus, but her testimony helped bring others to Christ as well.

     Humility is necessary to love others well. Here are a few things we can do as parents to humbly love our kids:

1) Get on your kids’ level.

     I’ve started trying to get at eye-level with my kids when I’m disciplining them. It shows my kids that I value this time of discipline and often allows us to have more engaging conversations beyond what they had done wrong. Beyond discipline issues, get on the floor and play with your kids. I’m convinced my kids’ favorite part of the day is when I come home and let them tackle me. In that moment, they know that I love them.

2) Admit your shortcomings.

     I talk to my kids about obeying Jesus and us as their parents frequently. After my trip to Ecuador, my wife and I have started to admit to our kids that we are also still learning how to obey Jesus. This doesn’t mean we need to air all of our sins and struggles to our family, but it is important for our kids to know that we also fail to obey Jesus sometimes. We are growing as a follower of Jesus everyday just like they are.

3) Allow yourself to feel uncomfortable.

     Loving people is messy and sometimes awkward. Be there to listen when someone in your family needs to vent. Listen well instead of trying to solve problems. Do the dishes so your spouse doesn’t have to. Come home ready to serve your family even if you’ve had a rough day at work.

     Sharing the love of Jesus with our families is a high calling. Pray with me that God would work through us to humbly love our kids well.

Web Catch of the Week: Protecting Your Kids Online From Explicit Material

Let’s just call this post uncomfortable from the beginning, shall we?

     Living when and where we do, the reality is that our kids have easy access to pornography. As parents, it feels as if we have little chance to protect our kids from pornography because our society continues to trend towards more lewdness and sensuality. Mainstream media and advertising seem to become more sensualized every day. The ability to access questionable and inappropriate material is literally everywhere. In short, we’re up against a lot.

How can we protect our kids from sexually explicit material?

     While I don’t claim to have the ultimate answer, I recently read the book Good Pictures Bad Pictures with my eight and nine year old sons. The authors, Kristen Jenson and Gail Poyner, provided a kid-friendly explanation of the dangers of pornography, and kept it from being explicit or sensualizing. I really appreciated the explanation of addictions and how porn triggers brains (and especially younger brains) in a dangerous way. Even more helpful is their practical “CAN DO” plan for kids to follow when they come across pornography.

     In addition to the book, the authors have a website called PornProofKids.com - Tips and Tools to Protect Young Minds. They regularly update their blog to keep this important issue on the forefront. While their blogs are not written from a specifically Christian perspective, I appreciate their focus on pornography as a major societal issue that needs to be tackled by everyone.  In “Who’s Fighting the New Public Health Crisis,” they highlight several others groups fighting back against porn.

     Part of defeating pornography is making sure we are comfortable discussing it with each other and with our kids. If we can't talk about it, our kids won't be able to talk about it either. Start the conversation with your kids today!

Web Catch of the Week: Kids in the Kitchen

     In our last two posts ("Make 2016 Count" Part 1 & Part 2), we’ve been exploring ways to have our best year yet. I can imagine one of your goals for the year may have something to do with physical health. An important factor in staying healthy and making sure our kids learn healthy habits is watching what we eat. I know from personal experience that I can go to the gym every night of the week, but if I'm not maintaining a healthy diet, exercise seems pointless. When we consider our children’s eating habits, the decisions we make today could impact them for a lifetime.

     One way to model healthy eating habits for your kids is to get in the kitchen together! This may sound daunting or even dreadful for busy parents, but a mom named Kelly has offered some great tips for "cultivating little sous chefs" on her blog The Nourishing Home. She reminds us that yes, the kitchen may end up messier and the cooking process will most likely take longer in the beginning, but there are so many educational and practical skills that your kids can learn from helping prepare a meal. You can help diversify their taste buds, and with a little patience, strengthen your relationship as well. Hey, you may even end up with someone to make you dinner!

     If you’re worried about finding the time to cook with your kids, a good starting point may be to try and make a healthy breakfast on Saturday morning with the whole family. Here is a delicious recipe for homemade granola from Pass The Knife, a home-based blog solely focused on bringing kids into the kitchen. 

     Is cooking a family affair for you? Tell us some ways you integrate your children into the cooking process, share a favorite family recipe, or feel free to ask meal-prep questions by leaving a comment!

Make 2016 Count Part 1: Set Goals for You and Your Family

     At the end of every year, we all feel the pressure to change - lose more weight, read more books, volunteer more often, make more money. Despite our hardwired desire to improve ourselves, years seem to go by without many significant changes. I don’t know about you, but I want next year to count. I want next year to be the best year yet for myself, my family, my career, and (most importantly) my relationship with Jesus. The most effective way for improve ourselves is to set goals. Here’s a few resources to help you write goals that you can accomplish to actually change your life.

     Michael Hyatt is a world-class business leader and best-selling author. He wrote a short blog post on his website called, “The Beginner’s Guide to Goal Setting.” This post has 5 simple steps to writing goals that work. One of the most important take-aways for me: after you set a goal, write it down! You are statistically much more likely to accomplish the goals you write down rather than just keep in your head. Check out the other tips in his post.

     After you’ve set goals for yourself, you can help the rest of your family do the same. Stewardship.com is a site that helps us manage all of God’s blessings - from money to family to skills. If you want to help your kids set goals for 2016, check out this blog post. Hopefully it will give you the confidence you need to teach your children how to set and accomplish their own goals in the coming year. 

     What goals do you have for 2016? How about your kids' goals? Share them in the comments to help inspire us to make 2016 count! Make sure to subscribe to the COCUSA Blog with the button below so you don’t miss Part 2 of our Make 2016 Count series - "Start the New Year Weak."