"Hey Dad, when can I get a phone?"

“Hey Dad, when can I get a phone?”  

“Uh… I’m not sure. Why do you need a phone?”

“I want to play Pokemon GO.”

     I know, I know. Pokemon GO is soooo last summer. But my kids are still really into it, so I downloaded it on my phone just for them. It's been fun to play together as a family. Now, my kids are getting a little impatient waiting for me to come home from work each day to play. I knew it was only a matter of time before they popped the question.

     Even if your child hasn’t brought it up, it's a pretty safe bet to say he or she wants a phone, tablet, or computer (or all-of-the-above) for Christmas. Maybe you've been waiting until all the Black Friday and Cyber Monday deals are announced to find the best price, but there are still a few other things we should consider for clicking that "Buy Now" button. There's a lot of great opportunities for your kids online, but there's also a lot of real danger. 

• What device is best for your kids' needs (and wants)?
• What will they want to use it for?
• How will you protect your kids from cyberbullying, predators, pornography, and all the other nasty stuff out there?
• How will you prevent their new toy from becoming an obsession?

If you need some help answering these questions, here's some tips I've learned as I researched solutions for my own kids.

SMARTPHONES

     My kids want a smartphone so badly. The only actual purpose they can give me for having one is playing Pokemon GO, but your kids might be feeling the pressure that "everyone else has one!" If your children are older and you're thinking about getting them a phone, Protect Young Minds has a great blog post about which smartphone is best for kids. The author, Nathaniel Holzman, does a great job of walking through factors like ease of set up, parental controls, and pricing. I don’t want to spoil the ending, but you'll never guess the winner of his head-to-head comparison.

iPADS (AND OTHER TABLETS)

     The nice thing about iPads is that the parental controls are the exact same as on an iPhone; they run the same operating system. The same thing goes for Android tablets and Android smartphones. You can check out the same smartphone article from above for details on setting filters and security policies for your kids with either of those operating systems.

Laptops

     Beyond parental controls, the reality is that tablets and phones are more likely to be used on time-wasting games than a laptop. A good kid-friendly laptop has a bit more potential to help them learn things like keyboarding, computer coding, and design - all practical skills that are a lot easier to learn on a laptop than on a phone or tablet.

     BestProducts.com has a great list of kid-friendly laptops for every budget. With so many different manufacturers and operating systems, laptops can be difficult to secure with parental controls. If you want to filter or block the content your child can access on a laptop, you might want to look into a service like Blocksi, Mobicip, or NetNanny (the one we use in my house). Without a filtering service, a child with an understanding of browsers and extensions can figure out how to bypass filters and protections on a laptop.

What Will you Buy?

     This is by no means an exhaustive list of all of the things you could potentially get your kids this Christmas. If you’d like to dive into more research, it’s as easy as going to Google and searching “best tablet for kids” or “parental controls for a (fill in your device)." Remember that we, as parents, are ultimately responsible to make a wise choice for our family. Our kids may not get 100% of what they want, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t what is best for them.  

Just make sure they share their best Pokemon GO tips with you along the way.

What You Need to Know About Instagram and Your Kids

     It seems there is no end to the march of new apps, websites, and social media services. Instagram is one of the most popular social media services out there. With its recent redesign, additional features, and updated terms & conditions, now is a great time to take (another?) close look at this incredibly popular photo sharing app. 

     Technically, the minimum age to use Instagram (along with many other social media services) is 13. Unfortunately, it’s all too easy for a child with a smart phone or tablet to set up an account and fudge on their birthdate. The reality is Instagram isn’t for kids. Here’s a few reasons why:

     Chris McKenna recently blogged on Protect Young Minds. He shares 5 hidden dangers in Instagram. The scariest to me is the fact that the photos on instagram are not filtered in anyway whatsoever. It only takes a child a few minutes to understand how hashtag (#) searches work, and they can scan Instagram looking for pictures in any topic they want. The absence of parental controls and the easily erasable search history make Instagram dangerous ground for any kid. Chris warns they could easily find something they shouldn’t, and parents may never know.

     This article and video from Craig Gross on iParent.TV delves into similar dangers. He calls out the specific risk that children could directly access pornography through Instagram. While Instagram technically does not allow porn on its service, the workaround that people have found is using misspelled hashtags to represent pornographic images. This is a danger that no parent should take lightly.

Yikes.

     So what do you do with Instagram? First of all, if you have a child under 13, you should hold the line and not let them have an account. Second, after your child is old enough, have a specific conversation with them about the dangers of Instagram.

     Don’t get me wrong, Instagram can be a lot of fun. Camp of Champions USA has our own Instagram account (@cocusa1995), and we love connecting with our summer staff and parents through pictures and videos. But let’s be wise as we parent our kids through this and all social media services.  

     Do you or your child use Instagram? What have you done to protect you and your family from some of the dangers?

Web Catch of the Week: Protecting Your Kids Online From Explicit Material

Let’s just call this post uncomfortable from the beginning, shall we?

     Living when and where we do, the reality is that our kids have easy access to pornography. As parents, it feels as if we have little chance to protect our kids from pornography because our society continues to trend towards more lewdness and sensuality. Mainstream media and advertising seem to become more sensualized every day. The ability to access questionable and inappropriate material is literally everywhere. In short, we’re up against a lot.

How can we protect our kids from sexually explicit material?

     While I don’t claim to have the ultimate answer, I recently read the book Good Pictures Bad Pictures with my eight and nine year old sons. The authors, Kristen Jenson and Gail Poyner, provided a kid-friendly explanation of the dangers of pornography, and kept it from being explicit or sensualizing. I really appreciated the explanation of addictions and how porn triggers brains (and especially younger brains) in a dangerous way. Even more helpful is their practical “CAN DO” plan for kids to follow when they come across pornography.

     In addition to the book, the authors have a website called PornProofKids.com - Tips and Tools to Protect Young Minds. They regularly update their blog to keep this important issue on the forefront. While their blogs are not written from a specifically Christian perspective, I appreciate their focus on pornography as a major societal issue that needs to be tackled by everyone.  In “Who’s Fighting the New Public Health Crisis,” they highlight several others groups fighting back against porn.

     Part of defeating pornography is making sure we are comfortable discussing it with each other and with our kids. If we can't talk about it, our kids won't be able to talk about it either. Start the conversation with your kids today!

Web Catch of the Week: What's on Your Kid's Phone?

     As a kid, I remember when the internet only seemed to be a long sequence of weird noises that sounded like the slow death of a robot - dial-up, AOL CDs, and having to log off the computer so my mom could make a phone call. Now, like almost everyone else, I have an iPhone in my pocket that gives me instant access to the internet. This technology is cutting-edge, but so was dial up internet to my parent's generation. What we consider cutting-edge is already commonplace to our kids. They know how to use a smartphone or tablet without any kind of instruction, and they know how to use it better than you do.

What's on your kid's phone? How do you protect your kids from the dark places of the internet? What apps do your kids use on a daily basis?

     These questions can seem overwhelming, and that's where great websites like iParent.tv come in. iParent.tv, founded by Craig Gross, gives parents reviews about the latest apps, devices, social networks, and websites that your kids are using right now. "iparent.tv allows you to learn what’s safe, what’s not, and what you need to do about it." Check out their site to explore what your kids are doing on their smartphones, and how you can help guide them to live safely in a digital world.

     Maybe you've passed the point of prevention. Maybe you've seen your kids internet history, you know who they follow on Instagram, and now you don't know how to address the situation. XXXChurch.com is another website you want to check out. XXXChurch, also founded by Craig Gross, provides help for people of all ages dealing with pornography and sex addiction. For specific advice on how to talk to your kid about pornography, check out "I Just Caught My Kid Looking at Porn." You can also find resources on their site for just about any scenario you might find yourself in when it comes to adult content. 

     To be sure, this is a very sensitive topic for most people. Honestly, I'm fearful for the day that I have to talk to my son about pornography. It's been a temptation of mine since I was young, and there's nothing I want more for my children than to avoid the mistakes of their dad. My prayer is that I'll be able to communicate the severity of this sin while at the same time showing unconditional love. I'll cling to the words of Jesus, "I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." -John 16:33 (NLT)

3 Ways to Keep Your Kids Safe

““DO NOT take candy from strangers” ”

With Halloween just around the corner, it made me think of the ultimate advice that parents give to their children.

     The irony with this advice is that on Halloween night we actually encourage children to ask for candy from complete strangers. And actually, there's a bigger problem with the candy-from-strangers cliche: While strangers can be dangerous, our children face more danger from people they actually know. According to the Department of Justice, strangers account for only 10% of all abuse cases, while acquaintances account for 90%. 

     That's not the typical scare we expect so close to Halloween, but if this is the reality of the world we live in, then it’s worth thinking about.  

Here are three specific things you can do to help keep your kids safe.

1. Teach your kids the basics of personal boundaries. At Camp, we teach our campers to “Respect everyone with your hands and feet.” It’s important for children to know what's appropriate both physically and conversationally. Let your kids know that anyone who crosses those boundaries is doing something wrong. Teach them to tell you about it right away. 
2. Encourage your kids to stay in groups of three. "Groups of 3" is a rule that we heavily emphasize at Camp both with our campers and with our staff. We never allow anyone to be alone with another person. It may seem extreme, especially if it's someone you trust, but this safeguard can go a long way in protecting your child. Encourage them to follow the Groups of 3 rule at church events, in child care settings, and even on play dates at a best friend's house. There's power and accountability in numbers.
3. Lastly, ask organizations about their hiring (or volunteer recruiting) processes. Any organization that cares for kids should have specific pieces in their hiring and training processes to protect kids from potential abuse. If the place you’re sending your child can’t tell you anything about their screening or protection processes, you might want to think twice before using it. At COCUSA, we utilize background checks, personal and professional references, and interviews to screen our potential staff. After they are hired, we also train them in key procedures that relate to child safety.

As parents, we have the responsibility to protect our kids as much as possible.  

     So go ahead and give the standard “no candy from strangers” advice to your kids this Halloween. After all, you never know when there might be a candy-sharing boogie-man around the next block. But let’s work on keeping them safe throughout the year too. The awkward conversations or strange looks from other parents are definitely worth it to keep your child safe.