Can You Really Make More Quality Time?

     Remember seeing a rainbow as a kid and trying to find the end with the pot of gold? Ever since my wife and I had kids, that's what sleep is like - always hoping, never satisfied. We recently added baby number 3 to our family, and sleep has never seemed so necessary yet so unattainable. When my two oldest kids decided to wake up before 6am for the third day in a row, I wasn’t thrilled. However, I sensed God telling me to take advantage of this early morning time. Instead of letting them run wild while I attempted to make a cup of coffee (like usual), all three of us played with Legos for the first fifteen minutes of the day. It was an unexpected joy.

     Far too often we tend to miss those opportunities to actively engage our kids. We would probably all agree that it's important to spend quality time with our family, but it seems so difficult to make that time happen between busy schedules, schoolwork, jobs, sports, hobbies, and Netflix.

HOW DO WE MAKE QUALITY TIME?

     "You cannot schedule quality time." At least not according to author and speaker Jenn Wilkins. Instead, she believes that quality time comes out of the quantity of time that you spend together as a family. We can say, “Tonight we will have a game night together as a family” and give our family a couple hours together.  But we can’t truly say, “Tonight we will all laugh and enjoy being with each other.”

     She noted that Deuteronomy 6:7 says we should instruct and disciple our children “When you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.” We should actively spend time in community as a family. The best way to have quality time together is by spending as much time together as possible (for more on this, listen Jenn Wilkin's workshop from the 2016 Gospel Coalition Women’s Conference, "How to Raise an Alien Child"). 

WHAT ABOUT ALL THE EXTRA THINGS OUR KIDS ARE INVOLVED IN?

     There’s no doubt kids and teenagers are BUSY. Author and youth director Cameron Cole outlines a practical decision-making process to help parents think through these opportunities in his article, “Four Questions Parents Should Ask of Extra-Curricular Activities.” I appreciated that Cole doesn’t demonize extracurricular activities, but instead he tries to help us view them in light of the Gospel. It was good for me to think through an activity as a part of the family’s calling and ministry in the world.

When Can We find time together?

My family's early morning Lego party helped me to realize how sacred our time together can be. Where can we find more time like this together? Here's two things I’ve been personally challenged with recently:

• Say "no" in order to say "yes." Make a habit of saying “no” to things that distract or undermine our family time (even if they’re fun or good things!). Say "no" to the list of everything that takes "just one more minute!" Say "no" to checking email for the 10th time today. Say "no" to the unimportant to say "yes!" to what matters.
• Be 100% present wherever we are. Put down the iPhone and turn off the TV (or unplug it and move it into the closet!). Build a pillow fort with the kids, go on a walk, explore your neighborhood, ask questions, and then let them respond. 

Time is the one resource we can't make more of. How will you spend yours?

Quality & Quantity - Making Time With Your Kids

     Each year seems to have a season that is a little more busy than the rest. We have times when our career is more hectic, our responsibilities increase, and our time at home seems to be rare. For my family, this season is the summertime. Summers at Camp of Champions USA are full of games, field trips, swimming, discipleship, and hot dogs; but the long summer days at Camp can be tough on my family, especially my kids. Every day I come home to smiles and big hugs from my son and daughter. It’s one of my favorite parts of the day. But it can be challenging for my kids when I’m gone before they wake up and don’t come home until dinner time. They notice the fewer hours that I spend with them during the summer months. 

     I stumbled across an article on familylife.com by Dan Sheaffer called “8 Creative Ways for Dads to Spend Time With Their Toddlers” that really resonated with me. In his article, Sheaffer describes an experience when his son began acting out when he would return home from work. He offers eight ways to intentionally connect with your kids when life is crazy.

     One of his ideas, “go outside to play” is simple but profound. I run around outside with kids all day during the summer and sometimes the last thing I want to do is go to a park or play on the swings when I get home. I’m tired, and I suspect most parents are when they get home from work. But showing my kids that quality time playing with them is a priority to me makes a huge impact on them.

     Sheaffer also recommends running errands with your kids. This is something I have found very beneficial. Anytime I have to run out to grab something, I take one of my kids with me. Even though running errands might not be an inherently exciting activity, we call them “daddy dates” and try to make them fun. For example, if I need to run to the grocery store, I’ll take my son with me and let him push a kid’s size shopping cart around and help me scan our items at the self checkout. My kids and I have both come to cherish these moments during the craziness of summers. More importantly, it allows us space to talk, share, pray, and play together. It helps me make sure that I'm striving to disciple my own kids as much as I disciple others at Camp. 

What does quality time with your kids look like? How do you make time to spend with them during busy seasons of life? Take a moment and write out a goal for yourself on how you can spend better quality and quantity time with your kids.

What Are Your Non-negotiables?

     I find myself pulled in so many different directions at times - family, work (plus a second job), friends, church, chores, the gym, hobbies. If you’re like me, it always seems like there's something I’m forgetting or something that falls to the side that doesn’t get enough of my attention. I often get more stressed when I get busier, but I don’t always get more productive. Spinning your wheels and going nowhere is really disheartening. Through these especially busy seasons of life, I’ve discovered one essential piece of advice that will help you focus on what’s most important. 

     To focus on what's important, you first have to identify the important things in your life. What are your non-negotiables on your calendar? These non-negotiables are things that you NEVER miss. It might be church on Sunday mornings, hitting the gym after work, or family dinner on Tuesday nights. After you identify them, schedule your non-negotiables first. Put them on your calendar first before the less important things take up space. Plan your days, weeks, and months around these essential, important, no-exceptions events. 

     For me, work, my second job, and church are the three things that are non-negotiable (as an unmarried guy, I am not ignoring my family, don’t worry!). Since these three things dictate a lot of my schedule, they go on the calendar first. Then I schedule the less important, more flexible events around the important ones. When I have free time with my friends or family, I make sure that I give them my undivided attention. I turn off my phone when I am visiting my mom. I don't check my email when I'm with my friends. I want each person I'm with to know that my focus is on them and not worries about my job or other things.

     If you take the time to identify and schedule your non-negotiables first, even when you get busy, you'll still be focused on what matters. Sometimes busyness creeps in when we let a lot of little, unimportant tasks fill up our time. To effectively love our family and find success at work, we all need to define and focus on what's most important.

What's most important to you? When will you focus on it? 

---

P.S. If you want to learn more about this concept, Craig Groeschel of Life Church has some excellent lessons on time management (watch part 1 and part 2). 

Web Catch of the Week: Parenting Wake-Up Call

     Although we would never admit it, when it comes to parenting our children, it can be very easy to put things on auto-pilot. As parents, we want the best for our kids, and we strive to actively love and care for them. But if you're like me, real life often gets in the way of our desires. When the day-to-day grind comes in with its endless tasks lists, countless distractions, and continuous running to and fro, we put active and caring parenting on the back burner. What we end up trending towards is parenting by default - putting in less time and energy instead of more. We start doing less, despite our best intentions.

     I don't know about you, but I need a parenting wake-up call. Bill Allison of Cadre Ministries regularly writes about parenting on his blog, Cup O' Joe with Bill. He has some hilarious takes on parenting (like this one here), but more importantly, he provides the wake-up call that I need on a regular basis. In his post "The Disciple-Making Dad," he challenges us dads to be active players in raising our kids (instead of passively hoping that school teachers and youth pastors can do the job for us). Bill does a great job of balancing his challenges with encouragement,

"Great news dad. You don’t have to be perfect to be a Deuteronomy 6 disciplemaking dad. You do have to be present AND engaged though." 

What our kids need, more than a perfect parent, is a parent who is willing to disciple them in the every day moments.

     My wife regularly reads Jess Connell's blog, Grow on Purpose. In a recent blog post, she shared about some of the struggles that moms go through. I love that she fights the cultural norm of go-go-go and says it's fine (and even good) to spend time with your kids. She says:

"It is a HUGE thing to 'just' spend time with your children. Christ Himself spent three entire years with 12 grown men and some of them still took a while to really get it." 

     Take some time just to be with your kids. Look for potential disciple-making moments, but also realize that intentional focused time is one of the best things you can do, regardless of any cool stories or outcomes.

Here's to waking up and parenting to the best of our abilities.