COCUSA BLOG
For parents who want their families to have fun while growing closer to Jesus and to each other
Can You Really Make More Quality Time?
Remember seeing a rainbow as a kid and trying to find the end with the pot of gold? Ever since my wife and I had kids, that's what sleep is like - always hoping, never satisfied. We recently added baby number 3 to our family, and sleep has never seemed so necessary yet so unattainable. When my two oldest kids decided to wake up before 6am for the third day in a row, I wasn’t thrilled. However, I sensed God telling me to take advantage of this early morning time. Instead of letting them run wild while I attempted to make a cup of coffee (like usual), all three of us played with Legos for the first fifteen minutes of the day. It was an unexpected joy. I started asking the same questions you do:
1) How do we make more quality time?
2) What about all the other things my kids are involved in?
3) When can we find more time together?
Remember seeing a rainbow as a kid and trying to find the end with the pot of gold? Ever since my wife and I had kids, that's what sleep is like - always hoping, never satisfied. We recently added baby number 3 to our family, and sleep has never seemed so necessary yet so unattainable. When my two oldest kids decided to wake up before 6am for the third day in a row, I wasn’t thrilled. However, I sensed God telling me to take advantage of this early morning time. Instead of letting them run wild while I attempted to make a cup of coffee (like usual), all three of us played with Legos for the first fifteen minutes of the day. It was an unexpected joy.
Far too often we tend to miss those opportunities to actively engage our kids. We would probably all agree that it's important to spend quality time with our family, but it seems so difficult to make that time happen between busy schedules, schoolwork, jobs, sports, hobbies, and Netflix.
HOW DO WE MAKE QUALITY TIME?
"You cannot schedule quality time." At least not according to author and speaker Jenn Wilkins. Instead, she believes that quality time comes out of the quantity of time that you spend together as a family. We can say, “Tonight we will have a game night together as a family” and give our family a couple hours together. But we can’t truly say, “Tonight we will all laugh and enjoy being with each other.”
She noted that Deuteronomy 6:7 says we should instruct and disciple our children “When you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.” We should actively spend time in community as a family. The best way to have quality time together is by spending as much time together as possible (for more on this, listen Jenn Wilkin's workshop from the 2016 Gospel Coalition Women’s Conference, "How to Raise an Alien Child").
WHAT ABOUT ALL THE EXTRA THINGS OUR KIDS ARE INVOLVED IN?
There’s no doubt kids and teenagers are BUSY. Author and youth director Cameron Cole outlines a practical decision-making process to help parents think through these opportunities in his article, “Four Questions Parents Should Ask of Extra-Curricular Activities.” I appreciated that Cole doesn’t demonize extracurricular activities, but instead he tries to help us view them in light of the Gospel. It was good for me to think through an activity as a part of the family’s calling and ministry in the world.
When Can We find time together?
My family's early morning Lego party helped me to realize how sacred our time together can be. Where can we find more time like this together? Here's two things I’ve been personally challenged with recently:
- Say "no" in order to say "yes." Make a habit of saying “no” to things that distract or undermine our family time (even if they’re fun or good things!). Say "no" to the list of everything that takes "just one more minute!" Say "no" to checking email for the 10th time today. Say "no" to the unimportant to say "yes!" to what matters.
- Be 100% present wherever we are. Put down the iPhone and turn off the TV (or unplug it and move it into the closet!). Build a pillow fort with the kids, go on a walk, explore your neighborhood, ask questions, and then let them respond.
Time is the one resource we can't make more of. How will you spend yours?
Pointing Your Family to Jesus in Traditions & Unplanned Moments
It's Saturday morning. A beam of sunlight sneaks through a crack between the curtains, and my family is up. We head out the door, snug in our hooded sweatshirts and jeans as the crisp fall air hits our lungs. When we arrive, we stand in line for almost an hour. People catch up with old friends as they wait. Everyone is in a good mood, especially considering how early it is. My wife, my son, and I finally reach the front of the line and are rewarded with our prize...
It's Saturday morning. A beam of sunlight sneaks through a crack between the curtains, and my family is up. We head out the door, snug in our hooded sweatshirts and jeans as the crisp fall air hits our lungs. When we arrive, we stand in line for almost an hour. People catch up with old friends as they wait. Everyone is in a good mood, especially considering how early it is. My wife, my son, and I finally reach the front of the line and are rewarded with our prize - a styrofoam plate piled high with sausage links and pumpkin pancakes.
Year after year, the Morton Pumpkin Festival pancake breakfast is an event we don't miss. This is a tradition years in the making. More than getting a plate full of good food, we go for the memories and connections we make over pancakes. We all have traditions in our families that bring us together. But how can we make the most of those moments to point our families to Jesus?
Traditions
Your family already has more traditions than you probably realize. Think about how you celebrate holidays. Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, 4th of July, Memorial Day - you probably do something special to celebrate these days. What about the different seasons? What family activities do you enjoy during the fall? Summer? Winter? Spring? How does your family commemorate birthdays, graduations, anniversaries, marriages, or other milestones?
You don't need to completely overhaul your family plans to point to Jesus in the midst of them. Setting aside a moment to pray as a family during your gathering is a natural way to remember God's faithfulness and blessings. For holidays like Christmas and Easter, break out the Bible after your meal and read the Gospel stories. Have a few family members share a memory of a time when the birthday girl reminded them of Jesus. Whatever the event, you can find some new ways to prioritize your family's commitment to become more like Christ.
Unplanned Moments
Ok, so maybe you have some new ideas to point your family to Jesus in your traditions. But what about all the other days of the year? How can you continue to lead your family in discipleship when it isn't Christmas, Easter, or your kid's birthday?
There is no app, shortcut, or cheat-sheet to make sure you take advantage of every teachable moment as they come up. Pointing your family to Jesus when those sponteous moments present themselves takes awareness and self-discipline. Commit yourself to look and act - look for ways to turn a mundane situation into a worship experience; act on those impulses and speak up. It may be helpful to set a small goal for yourself. "When I notice a moment to point my daughter to Jesus, I won't shrug it off. I will talk to her about it at least once today!" The more it's on your mind, the more you will notice the Holy Spirit at work around you. God gives you so many chances each day to praise him, all you have to do is pick one!
As I ate pumpkin pancakes with my family, we thanked God in prayer. We talked about all the joyful people that came together over pancakes, and how the feast we'll have with our Father in heaven will be even more incredible than our delicious fall breakfast. You can leverage the traditions you already have with your family to point them to Jesus - you just have to look for opportunities and act on them!
The Soundtrack for Teaching Your Kids About the Bible
When you think back to your teenage years, your favorite song or artist underscores most of your best memories. Music has a profound impact on shaping our experiences. As parents, we can use the power of music to inject God's truth into the hearts and minds of our children. Here's a few bands that make music specifically to help your family memorize Scripture. Even though they're songs for kids, they won't drive you crazy!
In the car, at work, at school, eating out, waiting in line, in the elevator, at the gym - music is everywhere. Music motivates us to focus, distracts us when we're bored, gives us words to express our deepest feelings, and transforms a get-together into a party. When you think back to your teenage years, your favorite song or artist underscores most of your best memories. Music has a profound impact on shaping our experiences. As parents, we can use the power of music to inject God's truth into the hearts and minds of our children.
We can use music as a way to teach our kids more about the Bible, and enjoy growing in their relationship with God.
We echo God's creativity when we make songs and melodies. How much more when we sing God's own words back to him! Even if you aren’t a gifted musician, everyone can enjoy song and dance to a good beat (well, some of us just "dance"). Here's a few bands that make music specifically to help your family memorize Scripture. Even though they're songs for kids, they won't drive you crazy!
The Rizers (short for Memorizers) "instill in kids a love for Jesus Christ and his word through Scripture memory, praise and worship." Here's a music video for their song Proverbs 3:5-6 (Trust in the Lord).
You can follow the Rizers on Facebook or listen to their music on Spotify.
We highlighted Seeds Family Worship a while back as a great resource for learning Scripture together as a family (read our post about Seeds Family Worship here). They have hundreds of songs that are word-for-word memory verses available to stream or purchase, as well as videos and other resources to make your experience even more fun.
Another band that you and your kids are sure to like is Bear Hug Band. While their lyrics aren't word-for-word from the Bible like The Rizers or Seeds Family Worship, their songs still hold biblical wisdom and truth. Check out their video for Big Big Love below, and stream all their music on Spotify.
God's gift of music is powerful. Let's use this gift for his glory as we teach our children more about his Word.
Discipline With Kindness, Even When You're Angry
Walking past the window in my three-year-old son’s room, something caught my eye. Along the trim under the windowsill were three deep holes dug into the drywall with a small screwdriver sitting on the wood floor underneath. Calling him upstairs, I sat him on my lap, showed him the holes in the wall, and asked him how they got there. “I don’t know, maybe a woodpecker flew in here and made them.” An obvious lie. My blood was boiling...
Walking past the window in my three-year-old son’s room, something caught my eye. Along the trim under the windowsill were three deep holes dug into the drywall with a small screwdriver sitting on the wood floor underneath. Calling him upstairs, I sat Judah on my lap, showed him the holes in the wall, and asked him how they got there. “I don’t know, maybe a woodpecker flew in here and made them.” An obvious lie. My blood was boiling.
After he continued his woodpecker lie for several minutes, I finally showed him the drywall dust on the tip of the screwdriver. I said I know a person made the holes in the wall with this screwdriver and asked if it was him. With tears in his eyes he wrapped his arms around my neck and cried, “It was me, it was me. I’m so sorry daddy.” That sentence, full of genuine remorse, broke through the petty anger I felt. With my wife by my side, we discussed the importance of honesty, forgiveness, trust, and living like Jesus.
I’m grateful God gave us that moment, because, if I’m being honest, sometimes it’s hard for me to let go of that anger. I know some of you can relate to that feeling - that feeling that comes from being lied to, disobeyed, or disrespected by your children. I don’t know about you, but my temperature starts to rise whenever my kids sin against me or their mom. Although it’s not wrong to feel anger, I can easily justify letting my anger get the best of me when correcting my kids.
In her blog post “How Should I Handle Anger While Disciplining”, author and speaker Jen Wilkin discusses the role that anger plays in the process of correcting our children. I especially needed to hear two points from her post:
- Kids have a hard time processing the anger they see in their parents. I don’t want my kids to think they have power over my emotions, but I also don’t want them to obey me simply out of fear and insecurity.
- It’s so important to analyze and debrief any anger I feel when my kids are disobedient or disrespectful. Why did that make me angry? Did I express my anger in a sinful way? Had I communicated my expectations well to my child? Answering questions like these will only help me become slower to anger and quicker to repent for my own sins.
This idea reminds me something that author and counselor Tedd Tripp wrote in his book, Shepherding a Child’s Heart. He said,
“God calls you to be authorities who are truly kind.”
Kindness is not a character quality I usually associate with discipline. As I kindly lead my children - correcting them in love and not fueled by my anger - they will be more likely to love, forgive, and be slow to anger just like Jesus.
Have you wrestled with the role anger plays in your family’s discipline? How can you improve to correct through kindness and not anger? How do you debrief or analyze your own emotions during times of discipline?
When Your Kids Embarrass You
You probably remember a time with your kids embarrassed you. A screaming fit in the grocery store aisle. A stubborn sit-in protest at the playground. Maybe a shrill "I hate you!" as they stomp out of the room. How do we respond when our kids act out and embarrass us in front of others? Here's some advice for facing that embarrassing showdown.
We’ve all been there. That time when you find out your kid totally acted up when you weren't there. Here’s how it happened in my family recently:
I was at work. My wife needed to run errands, so her mom came over to watch the kids. Our four-year-old was left playing, but mom gave him clear instructions to “clean up, and head to nap when your Nana tells you to.”
The playing was no problem. The issue came when Nana politely let him know it was time for nap. Instead of listening and obeying, he just kept playing. He totally ignored her request, and to make it even more embarrassing, he said very matter-of-factly:
"I do whatever I Want."
It’s funny now, but it was embarrassing and frustrating at the time. You probably remember a similar time with your kids. A screaming fit in the grocery store aisle. A stubborn sit-in protest at the playground. Maybe a shrill "I hate you!" as they stomp out of the room.
How do we respond when our kids act out and embarrass us in front of others? Here's some advice for facing that embarrassing showdown.
Don’t
- Don't let your personal anger or embarrassment influence your response. It’s tough to do, but your response should be the same whether someone else witnessed your child’s disobedience or not. Consistency is the key to long-term success in correcting a behavior.
- Don't let your child off the hook. Sometimes we cope with our kids' public behavior by totally ignoring it and never addressing it. Even if you can’t find a good consequence in the moment, you should let your child know she did something wrong and you do not approve.
- Don't use public shaming as a form of discipline. I’ve seen dozens of times where parents “raise the stakes” by raising their voice, pointing out their child’s foolishness, loudly voicing their displeasure, or sternly threatening to leave. I see it all the time, but I've never seen it work.
Do
- Apologize to any affected parties. Like it or not, the buck stops with you - not your child. If you’re the parent and your child acted out, you need to own it. To be clear, you’re not apologizing for your child. Hopefully they can do that on their own by the end of the discipline process. From my own story, at some point we should have better trained our four-year-old to listen to anyone we leave in charge. We didn’t, so we needed to apologize to my mother-in-law for that (and our son eventually apologized to Nana too).
- Give your child an appropriate consequence. If you do nothing except tell your child "that was wrong," they probably won't learn. Let them know what that there will be a consequence. The younger they are, the more immediate it should be (if possible). Giving them a timeout later that day isn’t as effective as making them clean up their toys and sit quietly for 5 minutes right now.
Remember, we’re all in this together. You’re allowed to laugh later too, especially at cute four-year-olds. When you’re inevitably embarrassed by your kids, don't stoop to their level. Be the parent, keep your cool, and help mold your child's character to become more like Jesus.
Photo Source: Michael Bently. Used under the Creative Commons License 2.0.
Make School Lunches Awesome
Back to school means school lunches, and school lunches can be pretty terrible. I just had a nostalgic conversation the other day about school lunches, but quickly realized that a lot of what I ate for lunch as a kid wasn't real food. Rectangular pizza, "extreme nachos," Cosmic Brownies, and the worst offender: Lunchables. While one convenient lunch every once in a while won't kill you, making a habit of it might. Here's a few tips for making your kids' school lunches tasty, healthy, and awesome.
Back to school means school lunches, and school lunches can be pretty terrible. I just had a nostolgic conversation the other day about school lunches, but quickly realized that a lot of what I ate for lunch as a kid wasn't real food. Rectangular pizza, "extreme nachos," Cosmic Brownies, and the worst offender: Lunchables.
"Lunch" = pepperoni + "cheese" + pretzel sticks. This is not a lunch.
I know making a healthy, tasty lunch for your kids takes some time and preparation. I'm guilty as anyone of throwing together a lunch on my way out the door full of things I'll regret later. While one convenient lunch every once in a while won't kill you, making a habit of it might. Here's a few tips for making your kids' school lunches tasty, healthy, and awesome.
Choose the Right Containers
Choosing the right containers to pack your kids' lunches will keep your beautiful spread from getting scrambled on the journey to the lunchroom. Lisa Leake of 100 Days of Real Food recommends finding a container with individual compartments and a locking, leak-proof lid (click here to see her recommendations). However you pack school lunches, make sure your child can easily open all the containers and that food won't get crushed or smashed before lunchtime.
Ditch Processed Foods, Pack the Real Stuff
Processed food is basically the equivalent of cat videos on YouTube; we might like them, but they don't make our lives any better. Lisa Leake has a lot of great advice about how to choose the right food for your kids' lunches and ditch the bad stuff. She regularly posts photos on her blog of lunches she packed for her kids to get you inspired to try something new! If your child demands Lunchables, she gives us some great tips on how to make homemade, healthy versions of the most popular choices.
Leave a Note!
You can make any lunch memorable by leaving a note for your child alongside their favorite food. Writing something as simple as "I love you!" can mean a lot to your child. You can write a helpful Bible verse, an encouraging phrase, draw a picture, or make them laugh with joke. Leaving a note is a simple and quick way to let them know their worth and value.
School lunches don't have to be miserable. With a little bit of planning, you can make your kids' lunches awesome!
Summer Camp 2016 Wrap-Up - Stories of God's Kingdom Come
We've already said our goodbyes to those who started school this week, and I'm sure we'll have an emotional send off on Friday as our last three sites close the books on summer camp 2016. As a summer full of discipleship, fun, games, and laughter comes to an end, I'm excited to see how God continues to minister to and through our campers and staff into the school year. Here's are a couple stories that remind us that God is still on the move.
“Wait, what? It’s over?”
This quote from a Site Director at our Peoria Bethany Baptist location sums up our feelings on this final Monday of Camp. We've already said our goodbyes to those who started school this week, and I'm sure we'll have an emotional send off on Friday as our last three sites close the books on summer camp 2016. As a summer full of discipleship, fun, games, and laughter comes to an end, I'm excited to see how God continues to minister to and through our campers and staff into the school year. Here's are a couple stories that remind us that God is still on the move.
A Prayer Request You Don't Hear Very Often
Just last week, a Counselor at the Christian Center was asking for prayer requests during his team’s morning devotional time. Most kids ask for prayers to have a good day, to hold off the rain so we can play outside, or that no one at Camp will get hurt. As this team went around the room, one camper raised his hand and said, “My prayer request is that someone will explain to me how to ask Jesus into my heart.” Initially taken by surprise at this request, his Counselor took him aside, explained the Gospel, and led him to Jesus!
Make Disciples Who Multiply
We talk a lot at Camp about making disciples who make more disciples. A Counselor at Pekin Camp put this into practice by teaching his campers how to share the Gospel with others. Two boys in his group sat down together, and one began to share the Good News with the other. Although the boy listening had heard this message many times before, he decided that today was the day he wanted to put his faith in Jesus. One camper led another to Jesus - disciples making more disciples.
God undoubtedly used COCUSA this summer to help staff and campers become more fully developed followers of Jesus. Through our theme of “Kingdom Come", we’ve all been challenged to share the story of Jesus with others and to help make disciples who make disciples. As we a new school year, here are a few ways you can pray:
- Pray that God will continue the good work he started in our campers hearts. Pray that campers and their families would connect to communities of believers who can help them continue to grow in their faith and share it with others.
- Pray for our summer staff members as they transition back into school. Pray that the growth they experienced this summer would motivate them to pursue Christ in their schoolwork, relationships, and activites.
- Pray for the Full-Time Staff at COCUSA as we debrief the summer and help make Camp even better at what's most important: Gospel-centered discipleship, safe & quality childcare, and fun for campers and staff!
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How Will Your Kids Turn Out? Passing On What's Most Important
As parents, we are the greatest influencers of our child’s attitudes and behaviors. Even more importantly, we shape our child’s values. These values are the overarching guidelines for how we act and are an integral part of who we are as Christians. Monkey see, monkey do.
As parents, we are the greatest influencers of our child’s attitudes and behaviors. Even more importantly, we shape our child’s values. These values are the overarching guidelines for how we act and are an integral part of who we are as Christians. Monkey see, monkey do.
It is important to consistently stress our values to our children. Of course, what we say about our values is important, but even more important (and what our kids will more quickly notice!) is how we respond to situations in relation with those values.
When I was young, my father always stressed the importance of everyday education. He told me he valued learning, but his words would have meant nothing if his actions didn’t match. Fortunately, I would often see my dad with his nose in the newspaper or watching documentaries. This is a classic example of actions speaking louder than words.
The same idea goes for our faith life. If we place our faith in Jesus Christ as one of our values, are we modeling behaviors that are in harmony with this value we want to instill in our children? Are we encouraging prayer and Christian actions in day-to-day life by simply talking about their importance or by actively looking for opportunities to take action ourselves and exemplify our values? FamilyLife.com has a great article on the importance of putting our values in practice as parents. If you’re uncertain how to model your values, it can help to first concretely define your values. Then, look for ways those values can be shown within your own life. This worksheet can help you define your values.
Parenting on purpose requires defining your values, living them out, and teaching them to your children. It will take self-discipline and persistence to effectively pass on your values to your kids, but you can do it!
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